There is this moment every night when every well-meaning parent looks in on their child sleeping soundly and whisper a short prayer of thanks or a well-meaning thought or hum a favorite lullaby, gently stroke the hair on their heads and kiss them goodnight.
On most nights, I look in on my daughter sleeping in her crib, tossing and turning, letting out a little whimper or a small laugh as if enjoying a nice dream, and I marvel at how truly great God is to have given me such a gift.
These moments are the times where our imaginations as parents roam as we think of all the possibilities that lie ahead for our children. We smile at the prospect of seeing them walk and talk, growing up and going to school, fending for themselves and finding their own friends, falling in love, choosing careers and walking down the aisles and seeing grandchildren walking up with them as they visit for a weekend. Oh how they will grow up so fast.
Then come the fears of how the world we live in will be just a little bit too much for our little ones. The pollution, the growing moral ineptitude , disease and disability, accidents and we shut our eyes and hold back tears as we drive these thoughts out of our minds. We will be fine.
Then come the prayer to Him who granted us this chance to be parents in the first place. That He watch over this little angel sleeping peacefully, so innocent, so full of hope and promise and as vibrant as all the little children whom He let come to Him even when he was burdened and tired.
Just like all the other well-meaning parents in the world, all these emotions wash over me each night looking at my daughter in deep slumber -- all the happiness, the fears, the tears, the joy, the excitement and the hope that we will be okay.
The hope that someday our little girl will tell us the same exact thing.
So I whisper to her just before fixing her pillows and kissing her good night, "I love you little girl, with all my heart. I thank the Lord each day for giving you and your mother to me. May you always have a reason to smile. Always be good. I'll see you when you wake up in the morning."
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
A Little Time
Ah, prose, how I've missed you.
It's been a while since I've written anything of note that wasn't an introduction to a research paper I'm supposed to continue, a meta-analysis that will have to be finished by the end of the month, the gazillions of reports on basic cardiology, arrhythmias, vascular lesions and echocardiograms.
It is now, 10:34 pm on the 13th of July and taking a break from running around in the wards, that I am taking time to write in a few things in this taken-for-granted blog.
First, I am in fellowship. For the run-of-the-mill reader of this blog, I am referring to my never-ending quest to better myself as a doctor, which involves finishing another 3 years of Cardiology training on top of the 3 years of Internal Medicine, the 1 year of post graduate internship and 4 years of medical school. Oh, and to top it all off, there might be a possibility that there could be another year of subspecialty training after this.
Yes, there are times I question my sanity. The pay is paltry, the hours are wickedly draining, and the stress is beyond belief. I questioned it all the more when I recently found out that our security guards, with all the hazard pay, earn more in a month than I do.
But seemingly, I think I belong. I'm where I'm supposed to be -- learning more, treating patients and until the Great Planner up there changes up the script for me, I'm here to stay.
Second, I have graduated from being a resident, to dealing with residents. And every single day, I ask myself, "Was I this hopeless when I started out?" I'd like to think that I turned out okay.
It is a very very busy world I exist in these days but I've finally found a moment in between exams, reports, research, patient rounds and echocardiograms to just sit down, reflect and as this day would have it, write down a few words.
It's been a while since I've written anything of note that wasn't an introduction to a research paper I'm supposed to continue, a meta-analysis that will have to be finished by the end of the month, the gazillions of reports on basic cardiology, arrhythmias, vascular lesions and echocardiograms.
It is now, 10:34 pm on the 13th of July and taking a break from running around in the wards, that I am taking time to write in a few things in this taken-for-granted blog.
First, I am in fellowship. For the run-of-the-mill reader of this blog, I am referring to my never-ending quest to better myself as a doctor, which involves finishing another 3 years of Cardiology training on top of the 3 years of Internal Medicine, the 1 year of post graduate internship and 4 years of medical school. Oh, and to top it all off, there might be a possibility that there could be another year of subspecialty training after this.
Yes, there are times I question my sanity. The pay is paltry, the hours are wickedly draining, and the stress is beyond belief. I questioned it all the more when I recently found out that our security guards, with all the hazard pay, earn more in a month than I do.
But seemingly, I think I belong. I'm where I'm supposed to be -- learning more, treating patients and until the Great Planner up there changes up the script for me, I'm here to stay.
Second, I have graduated from being a resident, to dealing with residents. And every single day, I ask myself, "Was I this hopeless when I started out?" I'd like to think that I turned out okay.
It is a very very busy world I exist in these days but I've finally found a moment in between exams, reports, research, patient rounds and echocardiograms to just sit down, reflect and as this day would have it, write down a few words.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Here I Go Again
I've always loved donning the white coat and seeing patients, walking the hospital hallways and holding the charts. So returning for three more years of punishment, sleepless nights, stress and torment in an Adult Cardiology Fellowship was just about right for me.
For those not in the medical field, after four years of medical school, and a life-changing board exam, comes residency in specialty field of choice. After that comes another certifying exam then onto a fellowship into a subspecialty in the field you originally specialized in. Then comes another exam and sub-sub-specialization, you get the drift. It is a long and arduous process that does not come with the wealth and prestige most people think doctors have. But rather a long road of training, reading books, examinations, sleepless nights and tears that others don't seem to get.
But I do this because I love the work. I love being with patients.
In my interviews for my neurology and cardiology applications, a staple answer I gave when asked why I chose these particular fields, was that I love puzzles and I love to figure them out, and I love working with people and talking to them and building rapport and working relationships. Thus, I always pictured myself forging on in medicine -- through residency, fellowship and subsequent studies to be the best doctor I could possibly be.
It's not about the money -- never was and never will be. But being compensated enough to be able to have my family and I live comfortably is the goal.
Fellowship is an acquired taste and is not for everybody. Right now, I have to contend with residents lost in the nature of their job (I'd like to think I wasn't that hopeless when I first started out), more responsibility and specialized books to read, and not to mention all the intrahospital and intraspecialty politics that doctors have to deal with.
So here I go again, another 3 years of echocardiograms, angiograms, CABG's, ECG's and angioplasties.
All in the hopes that at the end of it all, I'd be more confident in seeing you come through the clinic doors as my patient and having you walk out the same way, feeling a wee bit better for having seen your friendly neighborhood cardiologist.
For those not in the medical field, after four years of medical school, and a life-changing board exam, comes residency in specialty field of choice. After that comes another certifying exam then onto a fellowship into a subspecialty in the field you originally specialized in. Then comes another exam and sub-sub-specialization, you get the drift. It is a long and arduous process that does not come with the wealth and prestige most people think doctors have. But rather a long road of training, reading books, examinations, sleepless nights and tears that others don't seem to get.
But I do this because I love the work. I love being with patients.
In my interviews for my neurology and cardiology applications, a staple answer I gave when asked why I chose these particular fields, was that I love puzzles and I love to figure them out, and I love working with people and talking to them and building rapport and working relationships. Thus, I always pictured myself forging on in medicine -- through residency, fellowship and subsequent studies to be the best doctor I could possibly be.
It's not about the money -- never was and never will be. But being compensated enough to be able to have my family and I live comfortably is the goal.
Fellowship is an acquired taste and is not for everybody. Right now, I have to contend with residents lost in the nature of their job (I'd like to think I wasn't that hopeless when I first started out), more responsibility and specialized books to read, and not to mention all the intrahospital and intraspecialty politics that doctors have to deal with.
So here I go again, another 3 years of echocardiograms, angiograms, CABG's, ECG's and angioplasties.
All in the hopes that at the end of it all, I'd be more confident in seeing you come through the clinic doors as my patient and having you walk out the same way, feeling a wee bit better for having seen your friendly neighborhood cardiologist.
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