Changing The World, Eventually

A while ago, I came across an article published in the Philippine Star about twentysomethings and their continued education in the classroom of life. It struck a chord not simply just because I can relate to it somewhat, but because I came across it at this time in my life where I lose sight of things sometimes.

But I disagree.  Somewhat.

Let the record show that I've played both the jaded, depressed angry-at-the-world guy and the naive, heart-on-a-sleeve idealist at several times in my life.

To the ex-fresh graduate, I have been you too. After a bachelor's degree, a medical degree, a post-graduate internship, and an Internal Medicine residency training, I can definitely say I've played the part of fresh graduate a couple times over, and each time these had opportunities opened up for me to change the world. But I chose to toil even more in books and training, so as to be able to make my mark in the world -- specifically, make a difference with the future patients that will come knocking on my clinic.

Now a few months removed from graduating from IM residency and even passing the diplomate examinations, I find myself back at square one. Granted I'm waiting and wavering over and over again on the subspecialty that I want to go into, I've had the misfortune of not even being called for interviews to apply for junior consultancy in the hospitals I've applied to, and the clinics I attempted to see patients in. At this time, I work at a small diagnostic clinic in a mall that does employment medical clearances and physicals, and some consultation with patients coming in, malingering to get a medical certificate more than anything else. I've even accepted shifts at call centers in the city to augment my income. Heck, even some of my friends think I'm just suited for medical practice in the city and can't cut the rural/provincial hospital scene or that they think I don't like doing duties at hospitals.

It's my first real shot in the working world and I don't think I'm doing as great as I had planned. I have a memorized dialogue for my PE interviews, get frustrated daily with those that pretend to be sick just to get excused from work when I haven't missed a day of work since, well, I really don't know the last time I missed work. After a few hours of clinic duty, I go out to nearby call center to do a few more hours there.

Not exactly world-changing.

After reading that article, not exactly a difference-maker for the nurses I work with in the clinic as well. Those spiffy, twangy, sassy and young call center agents, did not have tedious graveyard shifts in mind when they wanted the chance to earn their first millions. Anybody who is not anywhere they want to be, or feel like they are owed more, will not have expected dealing with all this frustration and obstacles. Anybody who has had to settle, will want to be somewhere else. Somebody who has had to change themselves for something they do not want, will seek other more fulfilling things to ultimately satisfy them.

I wanted to touch people's lives and be an instrument of His healing -- to make difference, to change the world.

And I still want to.

The passion never really goes away -- it just gets lost sometimes.

Though the cases that have legitimate illnesses that come into the clinic I work for are few far in between malingering patients, there is the palpable spark of curiosity and the pure intention of helping them achieve a cure when they sit down and tell me their stories. The drive goes back on to scrounge up every rusty bit of knowledge that I have been hanging on to since finishing training and actually bring the patient back to health.

The key is always finding a reason to be happy where you are -- finding something that drives you. Whether it be money, fame, or the chance to change the world, for family, for love, for that extra bonus -- to each his own.

I remember Sanjiv Chopra's talk at the Philippine College of Physicians' Annual Convention this year admiring the work done by Paul Farmer (recounted in his book "Mountains Beyond Mountains") where he brought cure to an HIV-infected African man. He did it by never giving in. The big names in this world have somehow made their marks, because passion never really went away. So it can hold true for all of us as well. We hold it in our hands when we go out into the world from graduation and when we set it down to throw back the crap the world is slinging at us, we end up losing it. We'd have to go through the muck surrounding us, get dirty and find it again, and somehow just manage to survive.

I still believe I can change the world. I've never been the whole get-up guy in the spiffy suit so I don't have to worry about looking like a fresh graduate all the time. I say to young people everywhere, get your suits dirty, and so what if you got it off a rack at SM. At times, it takes the hardened, seasoned, weather-beaten, oft-insulted, underestimated individual to get the job done.

It takes passion to dream, fail and get up again. It takes passion to be able to get up in the morning, go to a job you don't totally like or dislike and work for something better. Such is life, and misconstruing hard work and its slow, deliberate toil as failure and irrelevance, is just so wrong. So I urge you to find passion wherever you can. It is normal to lose it at times, but for you to have any semblance of happiness and satisfaction, there has to be that drive to just go a little bit more.

Always remember that happiness and success are relative. It is not where you start nor where you end up, but, as a wise and good friend of mine put it, "when someday, you look around with satisfaction that you're exactly where you're meant to be," you got it made.