I got my Student Performance Evaluation sheets back today. These letters are requested from the school when applying for residency and further training and sent to the offices of the prospective employers.
They contain tidbits on our character as students -- how we looked to our superiors when we were roaming the halls of CIM aimlessly -- and are purely subjective.
The problem with these evaluations is that they go on your permanent record. It's stuck with your applications to every hospital you apply to, and the next, and the next. It's like cattle getting branded.
My IM evaluation said as a leader, I was not good in unifying the group members, and secondly, I was not confident in answering questions during endorsements.
Well, it's quite convenient that I'm also thinking applying to IM. Aaarrghh.
I'm not really angry nor upset. What I'm feeling right now is more amused than anything else.
Stuff I'd like to point out:
1. We do not hold elections to see who leads the group during internship. With the 5 of us in the group, the fact that I was seen as a leader is kind of a testament to the kind of person I am.
2. The IM rotation is one of the more dreaded departments in Velez due to its patient load and paperwork, so usually, everybody tries to get their own stuff done on time. That may seem like non-unity to other people, but I'd like to say it's more survival than anything.
3. Confidence is in short supply when you're an intern. I've never backed away from questioning. I acknowledge that though I have strong points in certain subjects, I'm notoriously weak in some. In those cases, I choose to shut up, listen and wait for someone to teach me rather than blabber away in an attempt to cover up my incompetence. It doesn't help that the barrage of questions doesn't stop until you've finally run out of answers. I don't care if I'm berated, made insignificant or insulted, just as long as I get taught the right thing.
4. I acknowledge that our group did not have the best dynamic. But we did our jobs.
Out all the other stuff they could have extolled, they chose to put that in my evaluation. I didn't even merit the "satisfactory performance" cop out comment? Hahaha. Really? Out of my month-long rotation in Internal Medicine, that was all they remembered about how I worked? Jeeeeez, talk about selective memory.
Oh well, I don't really how hospitals go about selecting their residents, but I certainly hope they look at other aspects of a candidate other than a comment on a sheet of paper.
Well, to me, it's just another evaluation to prove wrong.