INDNJC

I woke up this morning, the 8th day of the 8th month in 2008 with more concern for the next day. Yes, the subject of my recent trail of posts -- the board exams.

It starts tomorrow. And I am terrified.

I woke up to the early morning sunshine streaming through my dust-lined screened windows, and realized it was as beautiful a morning as any. A cool breeze picked up and wafted through my room. It felt good just lying there. But like the countless mornings these past few months, I got up and took a bath, read a couple of paragraphs from a random book on my room floor and headed out.

Today we got our room assignments for the executions err examinations.

The reality of tomorrow starts to sink in and well, there's just no stopping it. People say it's better to relax on your last day, but I'm more for the cram-til-it's over mentality. So study again. As Gaya aptly put it, "habang may buhay, may pag-asa."

The texts flooded in. Beautiful prayers I all said quietly in my mezzanine seat. Chain messages, which I forwarded on my Sun phone. Bible passages to inspire. Everybody is turning to prayer at this point, as we should, but if all the rumored 1500 examinees pray, would all of us pass. We could try.

If I remember correctly from my days taking up Music Appreciation, Johann Sebastian Bach, one of music's greatest geniuses always wrote "INDNJC" on his sheet music when he composed his masterpieces. In Nomini Domini Nostre Jesu Cristi. His every work done in the holy name of our Lord Jesus Christ. A tribute. A covenant.

I used to do that once I learned of it. Write it on the top of my exam sheets. My notebooks. I don't know if I actually passed every exam, but it was taken with Him.

Here I am. Weak. Tired. Afraid.

I don't know if I'm ready or if I'll ever be, but I studied the best I could.

So many times in the past few months, the fear has crippled parts of my life, brought frustration and anxiety, and driven me to my knees in prayer and tears. Yet I look back and realize, it also brought me friends, forgiveness, reconciliation and the reaffirmation of the love of those close to me.

In Nomini Domini Nostre Jesu Cristi

As I end this day to retire to my room, I thank those all who have kept us in their prayers.

The uncertainty of the exam results are there, yes. I wish and shout it from the depths of my heart that I want to pass, I want my friends to pass.

We lift the boards to Him, not just leaving it there on that table, but rather, have it become a covenant -- that each shade, each letter, each dot, each number be all in His name. An exam that We take together.